I am the night.
-
I am the night.
The night that brings that cold winter wind.
The night that steals your strength.
The night that gives you your nightmares.
The night that reminds you of you fears.
The night that brings the dark.
-
I am the night.
The night that gets you in the warm covers.
The night that regenerates you. 
The night that gives you your dreams.
The night that reminds you of your humanity.
The night that guides you to the light.
-
I am the night.

Oh Amy
We could have been something.
Oh Amy
We could have been something to remember.
Oh Amy
We could have been something.
Oh Amy
We could have been something to forget.
-
Oh Amy
Were from the same world.
Oh Amy
We live the same life.
Oh Amy
We pollute the same planet.
Oh Amy
We die the same death.
-
Oh Amy
Why do I love you?
Oh Amy
Why do you hate me?
Oh Amy
Why do I love them?
Oh Amy
Why do they hate me?
-
Oh Amy

Something went aflutter 
Something went astray
It might as well be me
I hope you get another
Find me again some day
-
Something thing is different
It's as if the hate were gone
Did I wear you down
Did I make it so you would never frown
I would give it all
It hasn’t helped me at all
As if it all would.
You're all that ever could.
Help me at all.
-
Someone is different
It's as if it has changed
A person that I followed
A person that I loved
A kind of person that dreams are made of
-
Something has ended
It's as if the time we had was nothing
The seasons have been cruel
The seasons have come and go
The year went so soon
And through it all you know
How I feel towards you
I couldn’t keep the pace
I love the look on your face
I knew and know I always will
-
Time has stopped
It ended too soon
I want it back 
Not to redo
But to relive
But To revive
I just want to see those eyes
Never let them cry
Be there till the day I die

To what do I owe this honor? To be around such a creature as you're self? For I know it's my fault that the pedestal fell and the devils are here to collect your soul for the after life. And it's my fault that your face couldn't stand the pace, and that your mind is out of place. And that the weeping willow weeps. My defect
That caused the disaster. I'm nothing compared to you, your wonderful ways, even in your drunken daze.
Life with you is just a maze, but I love you enough to keep you for the rest of all the days.

That’s what I miss.
Being forced to wish.
For only a second.
For only a kiss.
-
The gang that grew.
The member that shrank. 
The man who stood tall.
The boy who died crying.
The lady that lost, but at lest was trying.
-
Tossed and turned.
The words that burned.
I forgot, I released, I hurt.
So many times I felt like dirt.
I'm gone, vanished with out a trace.
Look once last at my ugly face.
-
I say it doesn't hurt.
I say I don't mind.
Your questions, worse than laughs.
My answers, the worst of lies.
-
You asked me once if it hurt.
You asked me once if it ever got threw.
I answered you with a smile.
It took me a while.
I told you …..
Not yet.
-
I was told by a girl.
It mattered the world.
She said to me "No one will ever love you!"
It could have gone unsaid.
I never told it made me sad.
-
For once it happened.
For once I hated.
For once I pitied.
And it was me.
For it was I.
-
I could have made myself cry.
Being told to die.
Being told I was nothing.
That I didn't matter
That it doesn't matter.
I shrugged it off and said "No matter."
I will survive
-
I have it all.
I have I.
For myself is all I need.
And you are nothing compared to me.
Really you deserve me, hardly.
But still I love you, wholeheartedly.
-
I'm a zealous lover.
I would give you it all.
But you don't want any of it.
But you don't want me.

What's a matter of minuets?
For so many days.
-
What's a matter of cents?
For so many dollars.
-
What's a matter of you and I?
For so many families.
-
What's a matter of or deaths?
For so many murders.
-
What's the matter of or love?
For so many hates.
-
What's a matter of this?
For so many other things the world wouldn't miss.

It hurts being one in a thousand, a thousand in a million, a million in a billion.
One knows the other
I know neither

I'm no good at poetry. Obviously I'm a writer's reader.

I'm a loving man that's too quick to give, and you’re a hateful girl that’s too reluctant to receive. 

The stars that I wish upon have failed me for the last!
Their chances are slim now, but I will let them re-begin now.
The wish I wish every night before my slumber has gone undone to long.
Don't you fail me star! Don't any of you fail me, or there shall be hell to pay!
And if the stars are against me, then so be the gods, fate my foe, and Gaia my adversary.

Oh that Dustin Thayer is a handsome boy, kinda like a Texan toy.
His name is known around the campus, at the work place to.
His heart was broken when you told him it was threw.
He always knows what to say, but its always taken the wrong way.
-
Oh that Dustin Thayer, he's a hard man to love. 
To bad he fits your personality like a glove.
He doesn't understand you, but he's always the first to try.
Even though you told him it was over and you didn't say why.

The starving stars that wish for the wishes that you give. 
They do as they wish those wishing wells.
And the flowers you pluck don't give a fuck.
And four leaf clovers are four lies and a stem. 
And that burning bush is a hotheaded lie.
And that jolly, fat man that gives all the toys is actually a marketing ploy.
The money for your bones is a little unknown, in the fact that it isn't true.
And the stork brought nothing, and love is just lust.
-
Just because the kid cries because the fairytale dies, is no reason for all the lies.
We could make up lies to cover up all the little pieces of dust.
But if we tell the truth then the world would know, and the secrets would have to go.
And to that, most people just say no.

Daddies a businessman away on a trip.
Brothers in the back room getting read to trip.
Mommies outside looken’ at the lawn boys.
Sisters in her room playing with her toys.
-
Well daddy's really off sleeping with maid.
Brother's just trying to run away.
Mommy knows what daddy does so she does it to.
Sister's the youngest, but will be more screwed up than you.

Miss's K miss's K
What can I say? Is it my fault we met eyes today?
Well its ok, miss's K.
On this lovely summer's night.
-
Miss Klimm, Miss Klimm.
I love the way you live life on the rim.
So the lights are out, or at lest on dim.
On this crazy summer's night
-
Michel, Michel.
Don't worry you won't go to hell.
Adultery isn't that big of a sin, so lets do it again.
On this hot summer's night.
-
On this summer's night.
We can make or own light.
Come on over, you know I don't bite.
On this fine summer's night.

I'm getting tired of this, it's losing its fun.
Hay their baby, think ya' can hand me that gun.
The worlds on my back, and it seem I can only lift a ton.
Tell you what, tomorrow I'll run.

Hay baby its alright, I'm just about to take flight.
Would you look at that its already night, what happened to all the light?

Hay beautiful lady can you teach me to play?
I would like to sing a song to a woman someday.

I need to make you smile.
I need to make the world smile with you.
I need to make the sun talk to you.
I need to make the clouds laugh with you.
I need to make the rain cry with you.
I need you make you smile.
-
Standing tall, someday I'll fall.
Today I will stand, and be strong.
Tomorrow I will fall, when I'm wrong.
Damn that which blocks me, this flimsy wall. 
-
A long, lasting love that falls on you.
A strong branding of fate that is on you.
My caring hands wrapped around you. 
My sweet scented trail that follows you.
-
You drive me mad
You take me to the point where I'm actually sad
You make me feel like I've been had
You want me to leave this world and all its bad.
You throw me down and call me a cad.

Change for better or worse, change happens none the less.

Walks a life, dies a dream, sings his praise. God can save you, God should have saved him. Life starved him of which he needed, people took him what which he had. He gave it up easy, giving to you made him glad, how happy you are is all he had.

I see the lies that you live threw those eyes from which you cry.
From the skin that fits your body, to the hair that grows from golden to gray.
To the sky’s clouds that you see the pictures from. To the stars and birthday candles that you wish for freedom. From the freedom that you want to the world that you rule the ground that holds your life and the ones who tell you why. Life won’t last long when you’re aching to die. 

A cheap parlor trick, and a fast trip.
Think those psychic hotlines can give you a tip?
Damn you must hate it the way I give you all this lip.

Shoes are made for walking
Time is made for taking
Minds are made for making
Stomachs are made for starving
Hearts are made for breaking

Life long love, admiration for you.
Life long hate, and rejection to.
-
Too much hate in the system, too late to stop it.
Too much pain in your mind, too many lies to top it.
-
Look your as beautiful as my last one, she was so very dear.
Her voice was great, but her scream was so very great to hear.

Gained patience, stolen rights, these are the things that fill my head over the nights.
Useless words, timeless sayings, such are the things that earn your paying.
-
Unwanted tears, unknown fears, a few things that drove me crazy over the years.
Lifeless people, nostalgic dreams, what would we be without all of these things.

Cries and lies, all I see threw those beautiful eyes. 
Sorrow runs high.
And I wonder why.
I ever fell for you.

I figured if you found my lost side, I would have no wear to hide.
I thought that if you didn’t really know me, you really couldn’t hate me.
And if you could never hate me, then you could never hurt me.

Relationship without face.
Mind with only faith.
Inspiration, aspiration, interrogation for pain.
These are the people and places where the rain will remain.
You speak and sing your silent songs,
Trying to forget for what your soul longs.
I’ve soft hands from all I’ve never touched.
I’ve a hard heart from all that I’ve felt for.
Never thought that care would be how I tore.
-
Light fads away, faster then the words I can say.
And I would, if you would, and we should, and we should, if only, we could.
And with them working, harder and harder, someone’s got to break, oh yeah, someone’s got to break.
Well she has to have something to say, her defense can’t be such default.
She hurt him bad, with her hands crossed high, world wonder why, the girl made him cry.
I love a fight for you, maybe its just cuss it’s all I can do.
Different causings, same lives, lies make truth a little more uncouth.
-
You’re the only thought that enters my mind.
The only thing that gives beauty to mankind.
I wonder if it were one of these thirty-six steps that I fell in love with you.
I try to find piece in your basking light, there is nothing that I wouldn’t do.

It’s a lover’s love’s day.
When time and money will not pay.
Burning hearts fiery minds.
Love of all sorts and kinds.
Incase you cared, you’re not a beast of burden, incase you cared.
Incase you noticed, you’re not a sin amongst men, incase you noticed.
Rose petals fall, sirens call.
They’re lovely, but not as much as you.
A world of wonder, and not a thing to do.
Love is the brainchild of your soul, anything you do makes me whole.
This is our way, in the sun for a day.
Guilt had a pretty face, and mercy wears lace.
Friendship before courtship, relationship without haste.
Music from our meeting place, life without you is a maze.
The mirror mocks you by having no reflection.
God shocks you by giving show of resurrection.

She didn’t stain my soul, better yet she made me whole.
And she really didn’t scream at me, she more always left me be.
The girl was the best, she had something above the rest.
How is it that I could let you go, how I couldn’t say all the things you should know.
I was a boyhood science, captured between voice and silence.
Innocence plagued by ignorance, innocence we shouldn’t have let you down.
She’s an angle to us all, I think she said she would never let us fall.
Maybe it was here on these twenty-then some steps did fall for you.
Maybe it was these words that I fear, that made me want to clear the tears.

With this world almost gone, all out of time, things are just fine.
Boys with guns for toys, and innocence is lost, so many paths but the right one is never crossed.
The fat ugly girl always sings so sweet, and the others are the kind you don’t want to meet. 
Catalyst for chaos is she and he, Cain and Able killed for the killing.
They’re all lost from a murder by anyone who’s willing.
Were so lucky to have her presence, she’s so lovely she takes precedence. 
She’s a hard rain on a soft riverbed, maybe all her glory’s in my head.
With the same smile god gives men when on the battlefield again.
With the same stinging scent from arousal twice met.
Everything I know, life balanced on love’s death row.
I had this dream, it was a crazy thing, I held her high with me, it made me finally see.
I want so much more sun, bright brought all the fun, action and reaction, pleasure to me.

This world holds me still, so I’ll lay still.
This world turns me wrong, so I’ll do wrong.
This world gave me you, so everything’s for you.
This world took me whole, so nothing ever finished me.
This world took my life, but gave me so much night.
This world made you stay, so I’ll still stay.

Oh god give me this my daily bread.
Oh god give me this a dearly needed shot to the head.
Forgive me for my need for freedom, still let me be in the kingdom.
I follow you for different reasons from the rest, winning me shouldn’t be such a test.
Hallow be thy name, hollow be thy soul, are hearts should be more then just cold coal.
Time a touching gift from you, nothing more from god environment made you to.
He who gave me her, also gave her hell. He who made me, also knew me well.

Painless Crucifixion
-
A mindless tapping against the wall.
A stubborn man standing in the hall.
I wish my wishes where wished on you.
I want my mind and body to once come threw.
-
I cry for you and all that is lost.
I beg forgiveness from any lines that I crossed.
I want way to much from life way to soon.
Yet Moses parted the seas in one afternoon.
-
It takes me a year to get a smile.
For a kiss it would take a longer while.
Chemical food and digital lives.
Cast swollen shores of the lovely tides.
-
Small shattered lamps that hang from the ceiling.
Two torn worlds screaming for cleaning.
Redemption fought for a winning once more.
Streets closed like how are love tore.
-
Time sweet like time taken.
Earth shattered like earth shaken.
He’s great, she’s greater.
Maybe are life’s later.
-
They made those naked willows weep.
We put the tricks to sleep.
God be the greatest affliction.
Such be the ways of a Painless Crucifixion.

I just tied ends.
I just made amends.
I wont try to cleanse.
I don’t want any more friends.
I don’t want any more of this.
I will never remember that.
Lets just forget where were at.
Lets win this world for all its worth.
Lets take place in God’s green Earth.

He had a little girl, no longer a pearl, taken from us, they do as they must.
Just to survive, lost her life, built of sin just to carry out lives, it caused to much strife. 
Built her so strong, made her so wrong, taken away faith, given straight to haste.
No one was hearing, everyone needs healing, have gentile weaning, this has to have meaning.

What was cause, for my self-perpetual flaws? 
Where mourning in morning twice more calls.
When hate and anger adds to societies falls. 
And it’s dark everywhere but with you.
Every speech that matters is only a word or two.
Love builds up hopes and all that is true.
Sin won’t win once again.
She’ll heal your heart and your pain.
What’s worth winning when times so vain.
The kind are weak, and the weak so strong.
The Children meek, brought up so wrong.
The elders, and gurus, have told lies to long.

Routine is like poison,
It will tear you apart.
Routine is like poison,
It will desensitize your heart.
Routine is like poison,
It will tell you what to do until you can only do what your told.

She is my faith, religion in lace.
I’ve lost faith, let me lose my place.
Uncomfortable, unforgettable, I’m unforgivable.
Winter came but never really left.
 Lovely words are just a waste of breath.
A second day, second way.
Don’t pass it by, don’t let it waste away.
What hurts you now heals you later.

Here,
I’m being held here.
Surrounded by all I fear.
I know people understand me there.
What ever happened to when I cared.
-
But it’s all right.
I just wont yell so much tonight.
Beat the drums, we’ll just sit around and roll our thumbs.
One great number making us men, sporting our ‘PC’ hums.
-
America used to put up such a fight.
Registered trademarks are all that shed some light.
Slack jaw white trash on talk shows so up tight.
Bureaucrats making right, how the hell can they sleep at night?
-
But it’s all right.
I just wont yell so much tonight.
Kill the kind, mercy never got me shit.
Stop talking I’ve just had too much of it.
-
Oh, so you call me a criminal,
Because I ran so fucking fast.
Well that was just the past.
Your case isn’t all so terminal.

Something make’s here special, something makes here great.
Maybe it’s the way she plays the day, or how she tempts fate.
I’m on my last word, lights gone, the stars have passed, it’s to late.
The sacrifice of flowers, for a flower.
Sinking the wind, so your soul can tower.
Winning the world, winning the hour.

An old face, a new shine.
Lost friendship, wasted time.
Something better, something new.
Now its over, nothing to do.
I don’t care, I just want you.
-
We don’t hurt together,
And we don’t heal apart.
The only lesson learned,
Is how easy we burned.
What we are is what we earned.

Yearbook
Last dance
Torn from two
Things here
Are hard to do
 Wish and want,
  Right and wrong.
 Here with us,
  Now we long.
With a whisper,
     With a kiss.
Sealed with heart,
     And a wish.
Another year, another season.
  Another fear, another reason.
Lost hope
Of having you
Shed a tear
Or host a fear.
Tell us, where do we go from here? 

A poem for her prettiness,
 A fable for her favor.
A word short of a world,
 For taste of her flavor.
Sense is made, of how we see,
And how we hear,
 And how we fear.
Fall a great distance or fall in love,
 Fear entangled in both.
A wish for her want,
 A smile, a taunt.

If I were meant to fly, my inventor would have given me wings.
If I were meant to live, my inventor would have given me you.
If I were meant to touch, it all wouldn’t shatter when I near.
 Not having you, separate from us two, it’s just my fear, not having you hear.
 Not wanting to, leaving all of you, it’s just my fate, its just there hate.
Move me, tear me, break me down,
 Take me, make me, shake me around.
Lost settle mind, forgotten threw most of time, can’t recall any of mine.
The dark fills me full, seeing in brings you out, break a wall.
Give a call.
 It doesn’t matter at all.
Touch destroys, words cut, hands are the lest of worries.
 Though of as son, can’t undo what’s done, so he hurries. 
A monster, no person there, a monster, threatens human.
A monster, no human there, a monster, show’s the best of humanity.
 Tough as sun, nothing left but to run, so he furies. 
A human, no sin, a human, threatens himself.
A human, no way to begin, a human, shows hate of his health.
Farewell, farewell, you were no spawn of hell, we hope to see you again, farewell.
Farewell, farewell, keep bringing the snow, I love you as you know, farewell.

Like a clock, beating second hand.
Like a clock, first one is fast, second one takes so much.
Turn the tides, lose the time.
Free the fallen, win the world.
Feed the fire friends, another hot word for the burning coals of obsession.
Pace with haste, I’m just a different person I’m of no exception.
How many times have I thought of you, how many times have I not known what to do.
How many words will make hate run dry, how much love to silence your cry.

An angle is she,
Heaven being her birth right.
Imperfections are we,
So why even put up a fight?
She screams at us, gives us fair warning.
Warning to run, warning to sin.
We say to her,
 I will take you, I will break you.
 Like a fat man to his sweets
 I will hold you down with my 
strong obsession.
Let the angle fly, let the angle go,
but we all know. That won’t happen
Here.

So you gave me birth,
You didn’t give me life.
To bad winds change,
And no fate is certain.
I won’t grow to know,
All the things you said
I would.
I’ve seemed to have
Made it, at lest this far.
Maybe this is as far,
As I need to go for now.
I won’t live to see, or be
All the things you said
I would.

You make this happiness happen,
 You make these eyes prey.
You make religion from reason,
 You make us want to pray.

So I’m alone,
 I’ll live it off fine.
So I’m not ‘big’ as some of the other kids.
 I’ll still sleep at nights.
I’ve never had anyone,
 So I won’t ever have to lose someone.
And seeing the light, it won’t hurt my eyes
I just wish, that the dark wouldn’t have taken
Me by such surprise.
I look at all the words on this page.
 I look at all that’s said in these pages.
All I can see is your name, over and over. 

Ah, the simple splendors of a simple summers night. 
When darkness is everywhere and light is still to be found. 
A will and a way, not to profound to say, but everything we need is here, 
Just look around. Jump into summer’s high sky, starry nights above, 
Where friendships like fables are still strong and in love. 
Peace is distilled, hope is never killed, and attraction is not willed. 

Cast a sin, like a shadow against a wall, near neighbor, like wildflower watch it grow.
A bridge between pain and passion, who cares about faith, it’s now about fashion.
Throw a stone, at the road, it hurts it not, it heals it more, that your coming is all it knows.
Behind the face, behind what you know, there is a soul, so dark you might fall, not knowing how deep it goes.
Time passed, I with time, I passed also, now I'm here, in fear, just leave me be.

Obsession
Obsession, taking, obsession breaking, it's who I am its why I am. 
I hope obsession will find me, I hope it will make me whole. 
I hope it will see me for what I am, I hope it will take me for who I am. 
I give it praise, I gave it days, time is money, money doesn't matter. 
I rest to easy on something that doesn't rest with me. 
This fire burns me down, and I don't want it to let me be. 
Consume me, make me ash, then I'd stay here forever, time to watch 
time to tell. It's all well, world's going to hell. But let obsession stay, 
let obsession win way, let me help save her day. 
Let her find me, she might burn, I'm burning, we could burn together. 
Obsession just be happy, obsession just live it for all it's worth, 
obsession get your fill, obsession don't stop when told, 
you make it great, you make it right, it's all right, I just won't 
sleep tonight. Obsession I wished for you, obsession I watched for you. 
Obsession you told me who I was, you changed me for the better. 
That's why I need you, you don't need me, but just don't leave 
I can't make it without you, and I don't think I want to. 
                                Obsession, 
                                                 I'll just think for awhile. 
                                Obsession, 
                                                 I'll just pray for awhile.

Passing Years
-
Losing all this time
Losing my damn mind
If when we ever try again
We might as well make it now
I’m just a child wondering for awhile
Trying to figure this is all out
Well gain way this is just a day
Hold you’re hopes not you’re doubts

A girl 
She walks down the street, looking at the others around her. 
She stomachs her soul, so she can keep doing what she does. 
She lets people walk on her, because she can't move otherwise. 
Someone needs to tell her that she's bad, so she can feel good. 
-
She looks in a muddy puddle, its been walked threw, its been used. 
She sees her own reflection, and knows she's just the same. 
She can't seem to be able to tell the difference between the two. 
Someone has to help her up, because she's fallen so hard, so far. 
-
She has had many men, she's had many things, she still isn't complete. 
She can have anything she wants, just for one favor, just for one night. 
She doesn't have what matters, what makes a person one whole. 
Someone should do something, someone should say something. 
-
She is one of a thousand just like her, all alone with everyone else. 
She has a number of addictions, and a hope for the best. 
She just thinks the best is yet to come, and coming fast it is. 
Someone should tell her that the best is not death. 

Who knew?
All I had to do
Was look to you
To see what’s wrong
To know what’s healing me this dawn.
To see what’s right.
To know what’s tearing me this night.

About Myself
I'm a torn man, on a tattered planet, with solid ground, and crumbling faith. 
Little time to speak, even less time to speak to you. 
No time to talk, forgotten how to walk, its no shock. 
I'm a man who's found a drug, one that won't go away, one I want to stay. 
One with a pretty face, and a sweet scent, brown hair, darkened eyes, 
I think she's lovely, no surprise. I make a wishes, upon stars, upon candles, fallen 
Eye lashes, wishing wells. Same old wish, same old want, I just want her happy, 
I just want them happy, I just want you happy. I've fallen into my share of sin, I've 
Taken my time with the devil. 
I'm a child. 
I'm a man, 
Broken. 
Like a doll, 
Just my eyes aren't so hard. 
Nor is my heart. 
                         But I'll try and keep the peace. 
                         And I'll try and help the weak. 
I get a little to carried away with things, 
    People carry me to far, its just who I am. 
                                  It's just how I'll stay. 
I like the color black. 
    But equally, if not more, I like the color of dark green. 
I like the pretty faces 
    But equally, if not more, I like the beauty of dark sides. 
                      I'm not the most attractive person, 
I always try to be more of an interactive person. 
I don't think anyone really knows me, 
I don't think I even know me. 
I'll get back to you later, I'll see you again later, I'll win this thing over. 
I'm sure its over. 
Don't want it to be over, just would have liked to known when it started. 
Not that it matters, your what does, and that's all that matters.

Just a Fire
Burning me
That's all that it is, 
That's tearing me down. 
That's all that it is, 
That's building me up. 
But the flames so sweet, 
It's a pain I’d rather not miss the chance to meet. 
Smoke fills the room, thicker then air, no ones cares. 
I don't want to smother you, I just want to weather you 
Down. Until we are level, until we are equal, until I can 
Look at you without hurting, without that 'to bright a light' 
Making me feel so much like night. Well It's a just a fire, 
Burning me. Consuming me whole, only thing to make me 
Whole. Just bury me, down in the warmness of the flame, 
Just carry me, down to the heat of the heart. 
I just want the fire for me, like a candle, beautiful but painful. 
Some candles just weren't meant to be burned.

Another victory friends
Celebrate by chastising our winnings
Take what we’ve earned and do it right
It must be destroyed
It’s one of another,
Reminding us of another one lost
Given a simple kiss of Holocaust
If it does not speak, then it must be dead
If it does not speak to us, then it will die
Simple children cry
Simple men run
So do what must be done
Free this world
And carry that much-needed gun
Because in our eyes you are solders
Because in our land you are heroes
Forget you’re past, you’re a mercenary now.

I’m tearing myself apart
With these simple hands
With this simple heart
I wish I were just a beast
Just an animal.
Something without mind
Something without soul
Just another one of god’s
Creatures.
I would be another one with 
The night.
One with the others in this life.

I do not wish to speak
Of such a splendid thing
As love.
Because when I do
You can tell
I don’t know what the hell
I’m talking about.
I wish I knew
At lest a thing or two
About a special thing
Called love.
Because when you see me
You can see my need
For just that thing
Love.

I’m standing on the edge of tomorrow, with my mind on what happened only a few hours ago today.
I’m sitting on top of everything in my imagination, just wondering if in fact I have or have held anything real.
I’m learning now, out of all the things that you learn, it matters not when, but how you feel.
I’m so unsightly, on my quest for beauty, with question of god, and god’s questioning of me.

Oh dear god what was I missing here
Was it you, or was I just blind by fear
I never thought that you would be the one to call
I never knew you would be the one to care
Maybe I’m just conjuring this up in my head
Maybe there’s something that should be said
Maybe I’d just be better off dead
I’ve still got time to stand
And I’ve still got time to think
And I’ve still got a base, so I won’t sink
But the seconds keep on sinking, a second in a blink

Color
-
Color
What’s your favorite color?
Wind
How do you think it blows across your skin?
Love
Can we ever have it?
I shouldn’t care, not when there’s still so much to share
I sure can’t let you go, with out knowing all I can know.
So much you’ve given me, you couldn’t just let me be.
There has to be something more, something else you can show.
God knows there isn’t anything I’d give up now,
And I sure as hell don’t know how.
I can’t even think about standing here alone,
There’s just to many things I could have known.
Tell me that everything will be all right,
Tell me that to live I won’t have to fight,
Tell me you’ll be there to pick me up tomorrow.
Just like you were here today.
You made me.
You made me everything
From sad to mad,
From birth to death,
From first time,
To last breath.
As long as writer’s pens still break,
And you’ll always take your take.
Then the waking of this morning,
It I won’t mind to make.
Then this world filled with fragile fancy,
It I won’t try to shake.

How does God fill me with flaw, and expect me not to fail.
Why would you tell a wooden shield that in fire it burns?
Who am I to say, give me no pain today.
I’m just a nameless namer, in a faction full of foes.
Born to breath, and not to give question to any who knows.
We’re built of beauty, and put in this ‘perfect place.’
Our souls have been cash paid and claimed.
‘This times’ just to late, give pity to those handed this fate.
Stark naked, and rightly done so, here or there, we should somewhat know.
And God forbid that heaven ever let one of us go.
Greatly giving no God to see, so the heaven that held us never would be.
A price paid, a debt for me, pain for we, another dollar down on our endless fee.

The
Myth
That we were put here, 
By some higher power, 
That still watches us, 
And still holds us, 
And still tells us were loved. 
Well I haven't felt him, 
Well I haven't felt it. 
If we are so protected, 
Why do we bleed so easily? 
If we are so loved, 
Why does my heart break so easy? 
If you're the man you claim to be, 
Then please make me feel worthy. 
If you're the man you clam to be, 
Just make them happy. 
You can change the world so fast, 
So do it, this time make it last. 
A future without you sure is bleak, 
I hold you now, and damn I'm weak 
Just help my mother, just save my 
Father, father help my sister, sister 
Save yourself. I like the way you 
Call me independent, well forget 
About that, just heal this world, 
Just mend it, make it right. 
Help this hell, save theses souls. 
Believe in me and I'll believe in you. 
Well I think its all just a myth, 
No matter how much I wish, 
I still think this is all just a myth.

I’m so thirsty
For blood of not your own,
 I’m so thirsty.
Anything that breathes will do,
I just wont settle for only you.
There isn’t limit to only one,
We haven’t even to begun
To Known what I’ve ever done.
  I’m so thirsty
Bring your family near,
Let them fall in fear,
Or have them hide from here,
Ends with the same old tear.
   I’m so thirsty
Given time, I’m sure we will right our own wrongs.
Given rhyme, The children can pledge all our songs.
Given to the kind, we can fix it for all the heart longs.
Given a fight, we can rampage with rage against the night.
 I’m so thirsty
I’m so thirsty
 I’m so thirsty
  If we had the water to will away the fire,
   Then why won’t this hunger perspire?
  If the thunder still gives wonder to if the dark is safe,
   Then still under are minds we should carry the faith.
  If being born, then being torn, makes you wonder why you’re not dead,     
  Then maybe it all could have gone unsaid, grab the gun reach for you’re head.
    I’m so thirsty

I would wish
For a way like this
Where we would run
And could stand beneath the golden sun
And dabble with fire,
Peace, pain, and desire
Even for all of this
I wouldn’t give the world to miss
Sweet lady fates lovely kiss
Which gave me the days
And dreamy ways to daze

Well hey, it looks like the fire has finally burnt
And I can carry on from now on
I could lift my head high to that golden sun bright sky
I could sing this praise, with violent voice telling no lies
And I will run that way to stay out of shadow, and in the day
Although I still hold heat, to face of my fancy, I can truly say
That after all this time, now I can walk away
The silence must have severed, and need for that feeling
I’ve been to blind to see, that it was hurt that was healing
Don’t think that when I look at you, I won’t still feel the flair
Now I just won’t force myself to be there.
And if ever time comes, when you are alone, and don’t wish to be
I still say, no matter how many families stay, there is still me.

I was not meant
To walk threw this,
This far
I was born to be
One of those babies whom die
Once torn from their mother’s womb
Bid and bought for nature’s natural doom
Why have I gotten to go to this place?
I thank god for every second
But I do not belong here
It is all just too much to fear
I would give it all up
Every word, every touch
To just not exist
So I hope for an easy exit
Or I hope for a bright smile,
To at lest keep me here for today
I thought that I should be able to do this
Everyone else makes it look so easy
To throw out a smile, and fake it for awhile
Its like how your leg falls asleep, it’s still there
But it’s never right, it’s a tickle when you walk
And it turns to pain after years and years
The routine is what does it to the nerves
First sitting stagnant, then standing while falling
I gave it all twelve days
In order for life to mend its ways
I was going to do it
I was ready to finally run
But twelve days is along time
To remember such a silly little thing as living
I suppose its all for the better,
My parents wouldn’t have taken to kindly to it
I figure now that I’ve got some money
I might as well spend it
Just incase I decide to give myself another limit
At lest I would have some new sun glasses

It’s still there
That passion and feeling that I had
From the first look to you
To where I stand now
You don’t notice me
And that’s fine I presume
It’s not as though you were the one to fall
Or the one to break
You’re not my God
Just the religion of which it rests
I like the way that sometimes there is a hello
And how I don’t think you hate, or fear me
At lest, not anymore
I will try, so hard, it’s all that there is anymore
I will ask, with out any set answer in my head
To blind to finally see, nothing between you and me
To obvious that a yes is out of the question
So that’s where I’m standing
In between to inquisitive lies
Two of which, with such confusion
That they have actually given me hope

These children
-
These children are like gods,
What makes God, ‘God’? But the act of creating?
And that’s what these children do, they create.
Like God they show me, they can move, and leave me behind.
Can one walk same pace as God? Will God stop to walk slowly?
They know there moves better then anyone, which is what time can do
Practice makes perfect, and practice can make you too.
But I’m still learning, this will get much easier as it comes,
But whom will I credit when it does indeed come.

 River tops
Sure we can breath easy for tonight
With our lips hardly gasping for air
And our laughing lungs hold so tight
Like reddish fish, as they osculate the river tops
But the rain is still raining
By tomorrow this water will have had risen
And we would have had surely drown

Singing of that sound,
From a happy hunting ground,
Turning with yearning go another round,
Fallen and feeling, hard to heeling, we’ve been found.
-
Hearing of that hound,
From a bearing broken bound,
Taking with making go nowhere un aloud,
Given and grieving, fought for freeing, I've been wound. 

This music
Like lustily leaky love
Two so straight boys that are what they are because of you
 Kept from creeping the non christen call
Say they gave way, to the want and taunt of today,
 Touched and blushed to the soft skin of each other
But gays cannot care, they only sleep, from one to the next.
Told and told they cannot rise, brought down by despise.

I must be bitten by beauty, because my mouth will not open,
No words will spill from this hole so hard to fill,
I must only love her crazy ways, to look at her is to peer into heaven,
How hard it is to be so near, to be filled with fear, to talk, or to hear.
Oh god her face is so lovely! 
And god her place is so above me.
And god what’d I’d give for her to love me.

Well good god, one’s got to know, why and when to let one go.
And some way, we’ve got to stay and see what else comes from this day.
This dark that sinks are souls we still link and given grace we still might think.

Will you be disappointed? 
Will you be disappointed,
When you find all you know to be wrong?
When what you know about dreams, and things,
And wind and skin, all to be false.
I should hope to see you,
That marvelous day,
Where you might just think a thing or two
About this, and everything you do
And if you question,
How you question things, like boys, and girls,
And toys, and noise.
Then surely you can question,
Things like god, and the sun.
And when you do
I will be there
To make you question
The more important things
Like he
And she
And no less
Even me

It’s about time
It’s about time you left me,
And my awful ways.
And it’s so true to say,
Who could love,
One like this,
With such a bent face,
And such broken faith.
I must also commend you,
On you’re impeccable time of leaving
Because if you had left
A second later
I might have just
Survived.

Because I love you
Because I love you 
I will stand here in your time of need
I will also stand here, during my own
But you are not what I need
You are what I love
And if it ever comes to pass
That I say, “I do”
Then I will,
Take you forever,
Because I love you.

The smiles
She smiles at me more often now,
Talks to me to.
Its all good and fun,
But I must say
It runs me
Threw and threw
Because she thinks I’ve moved on
She thinks I’ve become a better man,
One who can forget, and walk away.
But she doesn’t know that my feelings
Are as strong as ever
And I will leave them never
I will take the smiles as they’re given
I won’t read what is not there into them
And I wont make a big deal
About the everyday things she does
Because I’m sure she wants me to live on
So now I will do nothing
I will fall back to the way I was before
But if she looks in my direction
I guess I will just give her a smile.

This day
I’ve been waiting
For this day.
And now it has finally come
For this is a day in rejoice to you,
And you alone.
Not to long ago on father time’s hands,
Did god bless this planet with an angel.
I will give you a little stupid something
And I will try to stomach the seconds we stand
And talk
About you
And how you’ve grown
And how nice you look in those crazy new shoes,
Those shoes right around those crazy rainbow socks.
And after I walk away
I’ll still be glad to say
That the world is with you,
This day.

Heart
This heart of mine
Has a care for you
Not always for one
But always true
I’ve found myself
Within you
Almost lost
Without you
Bringing back
The building block
Of what gave me
The know how
To do what I do
I will walk this rode
And I will please this pain
And when you go
I will remain
And I will watch
As they walk without you
Leaving you to do
What you do
You will grow
And we will know
And faith will show
And if peace ever practices
Nonexistence with you
Then I will still be here
To comfort any of a fear
That you my hold down
With a tear
We can watch each others sleep
Being sure to never fall this deep
As I have for you
And your words
And your smiles
And the little things 
That makes ‘you’ “you”
If ever you tire of my constancy
Give word for me to leave
And for you to do
What you do.

Petals
Falling like fire from the sky,
Making us wonder a reason why,
Gods power to shake this flower,
Telling truth, telling lies,
Burning bright threw this night,
Having light when we weren’t right,
So maybe it’s a battered man,
Or some other thing at hand,
It’s all too late to reprimand,
Feeling like our fates been planned,
Keep your words, all voice is banned,
Another time to wrap it up,
This one was fun but now I’m done,
You’ve gone and broke it all,
The tree is bare once again this fall.

Please tell me what it is
About yourself that captures me so
For it is the only thing I ever did care to know
That and the question
To what name do I blame, for falling for you
Is this a game, if so how do I tame this falling like I do

Because you love another
Because you love another,
I will have to turn my head.
I won’t steal stolen glances at you.
I will not notice how perfect you,
Your hair,
And your skin looks
Under their lights
All I know of you mustn’t be true,
Because in truth all I know of you
Is your name.
We have not talked,
We have not shared,
You’ve done to little
For how much I cared.
I don’t know you,
And you don’t know me,
And that’s the way it will be.
I will walk away
And leave you to your own
Your place is not mine
And that is just fine.
And when you walk in the next day,
Following in with the rest,
I won’t be here for you.
I will be here for me.
And no matter how I may want
To think of you
And you’re perfect smile,
And you’re pleasant ways,
I won’t
Because it isn’t my place.
Because you love another.

Flying
I will fall no more,
It is not the wind,
That jostles me around,
That bothers,
But the bash of the ground.
Some have feather,
To free them from their fall
I have rocks
From limb to limb
Caging me within
It all drags me down
This is nothing like living,
And this is nothing like
Flying

Freeing myself
There seems to be
Something on me
It holds me in place
I can not run from it
I can tell it no lie to get free
It hammers at me
And holds me here
 Am I blind?
 Am I in love?
Like I would know the difference,
One between the other.
Damn, it must be a trap.
What can I do with the anchor attached?
I guess I will wear it,
Like a badge of courage,
Until I can get around,
To freeing myself.

There might be a way
There might be a way, over here
In this dark corner, where few ever pass
Where the only place to go is home.
And
There might be a way
Over here
In the fear
And the light
But its no safer then the night
Its where the monsters go
Because this door goes to only hell

I hope you know
That this fire will never burn burnt,
And this heart will never leave or get lost,
And that this smile I give you is just another way to say,
I love you.
I hope you know
That no matter how far ahead you are,
I will always be behind, to catch you,
And hold you up.
Like a flower brandishing its pedals to the sun,
I’ll make you my all and everything.
From you I’ll grow, and breath, and sleep,
I will dream my hazy dreams, of you, and me,
And everything that could, and still might be.
I hope you know
That when time has gotten the better of us,
And we might just be together,
To see each other at our worst, at our best,
And anything else that may come to play,
That I will still, and always love you.
I hope you know.

Canada, and love.
I’ve been around the world,
About a dozen times.
I’ve seen a thousand things.
And one of them was you.
With one look to you, I knew
More then I ever could or would
By sailing the seven seas
For seven years
I’ve been to Canada,
But, I have never been in love.

I won’t let you take me down, 
Not this time, 
I wont let you break me, 
Not this way, 
This wont be the place I fall, 
And this doesn’t seem like a place to call, 
Home. 
Anyways, 
With you and your so smug attitude, 
I’ll show you up, 
I’ll cage you up, 
Thats enough. 
I’m done with it all. 

Title 
- 
I will play the man 
You can play the woman 
We will be given a child 
And we will be a family 
My hand will be with yours 
And with that yours with mine 
Then when later years pass 
And the only questions left to be asked 
Will be why we have held on so hard 
To something that broke so long ago 
Something soft 
When we had passion 
And when love had us 
But now it’s nothing 
And we are nothing 
And it can only lead 
To nothing 
But nothing can be as pleasant 
As the memories of when we did love 
And those times, oh, I did love. 

New Years Eve 
- 
It’s thirty minuets until the new year 
And I can stop thinking of the past 
I ran across an old picture of you 
One I seem to run across quite often 
And I can’t help but think 
Of you 
Again 
I’ll carry you with me into the new year 
And I’ll keep carrying you until I drop 
And I resolute 
To never walk away 
I will always stay 
No matter how many new years eves come 
And how many go 
Because I have made a resolution 
This New years Eve. 

Widow Beth 
- 
Old widow Beth, 
And her many new suitors. 
And poor dead man Hanson, 
He left his wife all alone. 
No siblings, 
No children, 
One has to wonder, 
What the hell where they doing 
Up in that house for so many years 
And nothing to show from it 
Maybe one of the new men 
Can give her a child, 
Maybe she will find a lost brother, 
To take her to the local store, 
And get her what she wants. 
I never remember her having 
The things that she needs. 
Which leads me to believe, 
That he was all she had. 
So, 
She might just throw herself off a cliff, 
Who knows, 
With that old Widow Beth. 

Stormy windows 
- 
It is such a clear day, 
This one that I can see nothing but you 
And with that dear I hold all that is true 
There’s a snowstorm outside these warm doors 
It’s a wonder the cold does not melt 
At touch of this house 
We hold so much heat 
Within these small hearts 
Even if I try to pull my eyes from you 
To see what does rustle around in the wind 
I can’t get past these stormy windows 
Which only remind me of your soft touch 
And send me safely to your arms.

She loved him a rivers worth 
- 
There was a girl. 
and there was a man. 
but unfortunately they fell in love. 
in a world without god. 
so they did not pray. 
then came along a god. 
and he was upset they did not pray. 
they had the most wonderful thing. 
and yet they did not give thanks. 
god was mad. 
he made them stone. 
and hurled a river between them. 
but they still loved. 
so one burst into flames with heat. 
from heart. 
and dried the river, leaving nothing. 
but a blue glow. 
and the flame flew to the rock. 
and kissed it. 
making it also a flame. 
but god was mad. 
and twisted the blue glow around them. 
and threw them into space. 
which gave us stars. 
but because more loved. 
and more did not pray. 
which gave us romantics. 
and also. 
gave us atheists. 

Opening
-
It has been so long now
With me in love with you
And you not with me
And us nowhere near being a we
But I wonder how would it be
If you stood up with me
And we sang threw the sky,
Never questioning why,
But putting faith to practice
As we fall together
And never break apart.
The clouds could clear,
And the rain would surly be reluctant,
To run, before us as we ran.
We could be so fast,
That no one would hear us hold,
Our voices so steady.
As your name spills
Time and time again
From me
Like pedals from a flower,
And rivers to a waterfall.
Streams that come back,
From where they came.
And rocks that are thrown,
Just hard enough,
To fall to your feet.
Suns that only rise to die,
People who only live to cry,
Children who run to live,
And I who looks to you,
To know what can be done,
And what to do.

Incomplete
-
I am not finished,
Day by day,
Less I look at her.
And my tongue,
Has no meaning,
Without her lips,
To give it grace,
And form the sounds,
That fill my soul.
My clumsy hands,
Hold no balance,
Without her arms,
To hold me up.
Beneath my breast,
My lungs do not breathe,
Without her mouth,
To take its fill.
My blood does not beat,
Without her heart,
To give my name meaning.
And give myself a place,
By her side,
To sit or stand,
And be complete.

Ending
-
It has come to close,
And the pages stop,
The writing breaks,
And I walk away,
You now go to do,
The things you do know,
Use it as is,
Take it for what it was,
Face value a broken thing,
Worthless in having,
But keeping is bringing,
Joy to another,
Who asks so little,
But says so much,
The Ending times have come.
Worry not, words will be back,
To push these out,
And hurry in the new,
Memories will last,
And things will be lost,
I leave blank pages,
To fill with ones soul,
An open door for more,
And the rest that will come,
For it is far from over,
With enough to calm,
Your curiosity and comfort, 
This is now the Ending.

Before dawn
-
One must remember,
That before the sun sets,
On cold uneasy ground,
A world once living,
Is now busy falling,
And the troubles that came,
Can only be the ways to rise,
And face bright new eyes,
That can only breath to beg,
For another days healing,
And another sad nights dying,
Mothers will find fathers,
Daughters with brothers,
In another ones passing,
All to caught up in finding,
For one to ever be found.

Angel gone 
- 
Where has the angel been hiding, 
For my eyes cannot see her here, 
Nor can my faith persist me of thinking, 
That she would dare to come near, 
I like dry sun would surely wither, 
Such soft skin I could never be with her. 

How raindrops would be. 
- 
Another spring shower, 
As small drops drizzle, 
On such a big world in comparison. 
- 
Thousands of small soldiers, 
Whom you can’t help but notice, 
Run down your face. 
- 
With a fresh scent, 
That reminds you of many birds, 
Splashing carelessly in tiny pools. 
- 
How raindrops would be, 
If we could have the splendors we see, 
Like peace, and calm, and clarity. 
- 
Its time for me to wet my feathers now. 

To make it well. 
- 
One wouldn’t last long, 
On these hollow branches, 
Which bend so far already, 
To support your mind, 
No less your imagination. 
- 
The tree can lift your spirits, 
But can’t give you your dreams, 
The love can break reality, 
It means nothing it seems, 
The noisy silence still rustles. 
- 
The night has now come, 
Leaving me naked to the cold, 
And all of the elements, 
That tear at me so, 
I will live by freedom. 
- 
No chains will bear me, 
No profits will claim me, 
And no cries will clean me. 
- 
To make it well, 
In such a place as this, 
I must forget the sun, 
And remember what I know of the stars, 
And always hold high, 
To the image of you. 
To make it well. 

Of Right Birth 
- 
This one has fallen, 
So far, so hard, 
From the star where he used to rest. 
His heart is gone, gone and left us, 
Only his bitterness remains, 
In the wind, 
In ourselves, 
In you, 
In me. 
I say the earth should burn now, 
It has no prince to keep me cool, 
No water, no rivers, 
to which I would use to kill this heavy thirst. 
And if I were to lift up, 
And grab you as you go? 
Is there anyway this strong love could fight, 
Against wars, against death, 
Against such things as there were no know way to stop them, 
Only for the world had no knowing of our love. 
Had it known? 
Of the many nights of passion, 
The many nights I cried myself away, 
As you walked on without me, 
Would it not have sent it crashing. 
Had it known? 

Boundless day 
- 
It is a boundless day, 
There are no walls to keep me in, 
There is no pain to pace my mind, 
The trees are full, but do not block the wind, 
No clouds clutter, 
The now empty big blue sky, 
Our hearts are one, 
And kept in canned jars, 
So others can only fathom, 
The feelings we run with, 
Like children and naked earth, 
For there first time of walking, 
I wish it could only stay, 
And time could stand still, 
Your face will never fade, 
And it was worth the price I paid, 
Because it was all time well spent, 
I think I’ve fallen again. 
I think the rivers run, 
And water will never be again as clear, 
The birds will never stay as close or near, 
Because the two of us are here, 
On this boundless day. 

Bending wings 
- 
I’ve touched the ground, 
On many of wet days, 
And I’ve waited for stars, 
When they weren’t to be found, 
So many times I’ve sat staring, 
At summer suns setting, 
Only to wonder, 
What birds fly beyond this point, 
What many mixed colors pool together, 
In places I cannot see, 
I will be one bird, 
I will be one color, 
And I will run the wind, 
To the that far place, 
Where smiles are real, 
And only hearts can feel, 
This dream is sure to last, 
This new world will met the past, 
But will I find love there, 
Oh will I find warmth, 
Will I find you, 
And your many days of hazy dreaming, 
On the many bent green grounds of home, 
This new world now makes me sad, 
With all its light, and all its splendor, 
It cannot produce the one thing I need, 
I need home, 
I need us, 
I need the many times of crossing paths, 
And touching hands, 
I need you. 

I wish your fingers 
- 
I wish your fingers, 
Could find their way to and threw my hair, 
And the many bending valleys of me, 
I’d welcome you to my safe harbor, 
Sea of tears only you could sail, 
The many bright sunsets, 
Cold to only those who know, 
They will never have, 
What we have now. 
A remarkable making, 
Of love. 

Misplacing princess 
- 
Amber flowers, 
With messy pedals, 
Painting an inkling, 
Of rosy red, 
On blushing cheeks, 
Which meet my lips, 
Making small kisses, 
That can only fall, 
Deeper to my soul, 
Then on my skin. 

Attention
-
Attention is the ground knocking hard,
The boy winning the game,
A father and son,
Blades on wrists.
Disappointed,
A good man,
No longer a person,
But a fighting will,
Laugh with his desperation,
Lighten up his pain,
Come,
Hold a hero’s hand.

My parents split center,
On the side walk,
in front of the hospital door,
Trying to act their coolest,
While sucking cigarettes,
And blaming each other,
For the mess I made,
She says “This wasn’t his first time.”
He says “Please, just let it be.”
She says “It will happen again.”
He says “My son is not me.”
Both of them say together “I hope he pulls through.”

In the pit
-
In the pit are my fellows and boys,
In the pit are my explosions and pain,
Fighting the wars and fighting the world,
Rough screams take us to flight,
Midair now, touching ground my ass is theirs,
Black, white, short, strong and tall,
Jumping the stage together we fall,
We find unity in violence,
And keeping ourselves clean,
By taking blood,
God I love this life.

 Trapped, kept, held,
Poison, toxin, entropy,
Heat, burn, singe,
Touch, kiss, sex,
Love, hate, hate.

I’m sorry I can’t go,
I just have to let you know,
I’ll always be at your side,
With smiles and good pride,
I’ll fight your good fights,
I’ll keep heart to my own,
Through thick and thin,
And sticks and stones,
Broken bodies broken bones,

I’m writing you a letter
-
I’m writing you a letter,
As we speak,
It says I love you,
It says all the things I’ve never said,
All the things that have eaten at me,
For many years,
To many years,
I’m writing you a letter you will never see,
It’s the glowing light in my palms,
I can’t give it to you,
Then I might get my answer,
With no fate,
There is always chance.

Fairy tale
-
A first person narrative,
Story of a boy and girl,
Unrequited love,
Boy, action: hard at work to win over girl.
    Girl, action: hard at work to not be won over by boy.
I’m a typecast now.

You’d be surprised; about the amount of time one can let go between words, and still say you love someone, silence and all. And sometimes, you find yourself in nothing but silence, and the words run and migrate throughout your head, as if it were a lost piece of your childhood..,

“I want to remember what it was like… when my father lived with me….”
“I want to know what it was like, when he held me…”
“I had a pet turtle I never named… God I wish I named it... I’d give anything for that chance again..”
    
    I keep my hands easy, and at my sides. I can’t struggle anymore; I lunge forward at the hint of your name, my hands tense and knuckles crack when you are near, I beg my heart to pace itself when I hear your voice. And my eyes almost cry when you smile. I write, and dice memories of what I think to be true, of us, across page after page. 

    I want to shout, at everyone and anyone who you favor over me;
“How dare you! How dare you, take my dream and make it real for you!”

I spent my time doddering. Dreaming. Dying.
I doubt that I could ever find a heaven like you.
I dream of your warm hands, and have nightmares of the most beautiful dreams when I’m awake,
terrifying in the way, that they are just that, dreams, and nothing of me in my walking reality.

    You are the most true and wonderful thing I have ever had the luck to draw breath from the same room as.  I want to see the ocean with you, and deserts, I want the leaves to fall around us as we walk, through the parks we played in as children. I never knew you then, and I hardly know you now, but the years have left me to this myth of you. Notorious for an easy perfection, totally admirable, the absolute example of how human; perfection can be. The unattainable cause, of wars I will never be able to see.

    In the winter, I promise to keep you warm. I will keep a fire forever burning, to insure no frost will ever nip you. My arms will be offered up to hold you at anytime possible, for there is nothing I would rather busy them with, but you’re tending. I would write you a novel a day, and read to you all the best things you bring to my work, and give you the many thanks needed, for the muse is the man, and without you I am nothing.
    
    I want to hear of you, where you have been, what you have done, what dizzies your head, and aches your heart. Have you ever felt this way? Do you understand at all how I feel? Can you fathom? If not for me, who? And if so, thank goodness, I would rather you love, and be with others, then to not love, and be with me. Oh generous love, spill me cups of chronicle and account, about siblings, father and mother, friends and lover, and all of them alike. Don’t go easy on my fill, I will take it all in like a famished newborn, so new to it all of it, I dare not waste a drop. Oh my hearing always be ready for your voice, no sound anywhere near comes close to the effect it brings upon me.

    I hardly sleep, I keep my eyes on the brim of slumber, so I can ponder, “How does her hand fall by her side this night?” “In this world I know she does not dream of me, but some other time, some other place, it might have happened!” I read the things you’ve written in cards, and books, and memory. And hold them to my chest to smell the ink, feel the hands that write. Everywhere you write how I’m unique, and worth something, I am a bright light, and I quickly fade away without you.

    At times I wish for you, on every candle blown out, on every eyelash that freely falls, every star I follow in the sky. I’ve never stopped my wishing, my wanting, and my feeling. I could never forget how I love you, to do so I would have to remove every scrap of joy from my humble life. Every song, every touch, and once-made step, all the many nights of laughter with whomever I’ve found myself throughout the years. I’ve only ever tried for you, you are my successive failing

I can’t control the shifts of fate,
I wont be undone by my own doing,
I can only weave a spinning spool,
And sadly.
We’re both done, with being, with me.

The horrible mistake of you.
Reach your arms out,
Grab what you only mean to break,
The words you say roll down me,
Like an avalanche of rocks,
So funny.
When I say I love you,
It means I would die for you.
And when you say I love you…
You are always saying I would die for you…